excellent retort

You really can't top these responses to comments by me in order to try to correct behavior.

In class

Me: (after being interrupted mid-lesson five times by the same kids) I am just really upset that I don't have a room full of 8th graders right now and that we are acting like children.
D: (one of the main interrupters) I am not a children!!!

Picking up my after school group in the cafeteria

Me: M, why are you yelling so loudly?
M: I love pizza and cake!!!

close enough

The other day I was showing my students a story that mentioned the state Alabama. At least 3 of them shouted out something along the lines of "What the hell is Alabama?" To which one of my brightest scholars responded "It's the capital of New York!"

I'm gonna give you a moment to let that one sink in.

Okay.

I mentioned this story to my friend over drinks on Friday. She responded with this gem. She was working with a student one on one over how to read a map. She pointed out the various features, and stopped at a squiggly blue line to ask the girl what she thought that might be. Crickets. Finally my friend says, "It's a river." The girl says, "Ohhhhhhhhh." There's a few seconds of silence. My friend follows up with, "Do you know what a river is?" Silence again, and then finally, "It's like an ocean?"

Geography fail.

So what can we do?

Last week, I asked the students to write me a letter about what I can do and what they can do to make the class better.

Best response, by far:

I think you Need to Lear n How talk with aperson with out Being in there face and that you alway act wild different and you be haaving mood swings

Signed with her name and a heart on the bottom.

I'm quitting tomorrow.

self-esteem

Let me tell you, if you want to feel good about yourself, do not hang around with 13-year-olds.

Things they have told me lately:
"Your forehead is shiny."
"What is that on your chin? Is it contagious?"
"You should be on the 'Bad Girl's Club.'"
"Your hair grows fast. Didn't you just dye it? I can already see your roots. You have a lot of gray hair."
"When you have your coat on, from the back, you look like a little black girl."

Um... I don't even know.

the apple falls far

I have a student who is usually well behaved but must have been having an off day today. She wouldn't sit in her assigned seat, wasn't completing her work, was playing on her cell phone, and whenever she got up and walked by this boy, she cursed him out. I assigned her detention and called her mother to get permission. She didn't answer, but did indeed TEXT me back. I tried to call her again later, no answer, so I sighed and sent her a text in response.

Now, I don't have a child. (Thank god, I already have 90 of them.) But I'm PRETTY sure I wouldn't text my daughter's teacher, ESPECIALLY if I had never even spoken to her before.

But maybe that's just me.

Plus, she skipped detention anyway. I'm not always sure why I make the effort.