Actual conversation among me and two teacher friends at a bar in Brooklyn. All of us are going into our 4th years, and all of us had to switch from horrible hellmouths of failing schools to new environments where some actual teaching and learning happens.
Teacher #1: "I think this is finally going to be the year where I don't have to tell a student that he needs to put his pants back on. I can feel it, I think it's finally going to happen."
Teacher #2: "I hope this is the year where I don't curse in front of a student. That's my goal."
Me: "I think since I have 6th grade this year instead of 8th, this will finally be the year where a student doesn't yell at me to suck his or her dick. I'm really excited."
Real accountability = real progress = real results.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Anything but math
The PE teacher was telling the students about his grading policy for the beginning of the school year. I forgot how amazing these kids could be.
Teacher: All right, so everyone starts at 100. If you don't participate for one day, you lose 15 points. What's 100 minus 15?
Students: (awkward silence) 80! 85!
Teacher: Ok, 85. If you miss another day, you lose 15 points. What's 85 minus 15?
Students: (even longer awkward silence) 80! 75! 75! 70!
Teacher: Um... 70. So if you miss again, what's 70 minus 15?
Students: (even longer, even more awkward silence) 65! 60! 65! 60! 55!
Teacher: That's a 55. So you miss 4 classes or don't participate and you basically fail... Ok, so that took awhile. Let's move on to the next topic.
Teacher: All right, so everyone starts at 100. If you don't participate for one day, you lose 15 points. What's 100 minus 15?
Students: (awkward silence) 80! 85!
Teacher: Ok, 85. If you miss another day, you lose 15 points. What's 85 minus 15?
Students: (even longer awkward silence) 80! 75! 75! 70!
Teacher: Um... 70. So if you miss again, what's 70 minus 15?
Students: (even longer, even more awkward silence) 65! 60! 65! 60! 55!
Teacher: That's a 55. So you miss 4 classes or don't participate and you basically fail... Ok, so that took awhile. Let's move on to the next topic.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
LAST DAY OF SCHOOOOOOLLLLL!!!!
This morning, I got a plastic rose and a letter from a student who got here from Africa maybe 2 years ago. She wrote this note on a ripped piece of notebook paper. It said:
Dear Ms. A
thank you for theaching me this Year. your the best teacher ever in my life.
Your sincretary
MK
I mean, that just made the whole year worth it.
Happy summer everyone.
Dear Ms. A
thank you for theaching me this Year. your the best teacher ever in my life.
Your sincretary
MK
I mean, that just made the whole year worth it.
Happy summer everyone.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
and she was really just going to let him leave the office
This gem comes to your courtesy from another middle school in the SoBro.
One 6th grade student at this school had started out the year strong but had had a lot of absences lately. My friend was doing paperwork in the guidance counselor's office while this boy was talking to her. His excuse was, "Well, I have been having a lot of infections with my skin lately so I have had to see a lot of different gynecologists to talk about these issues." Somehow the counselor managed to not burst into fits of laughter and tears but she didn't say anything to correct him. They finshed up the meeting, and on the way out (thank god) my friend told him that the word "gynecologist" meant "someone who deals with women's...issues." Let's hope he doesn't make the same mistake again.
One 6th grade student at this school had started out the year strong but had had a lot of absences lately. My friend was doing paperwork in the guidance counselor's office while this boy was talking to her. His excuse was, "Well, I have been having a lot of infections with my skin lately so I have had to see a lot of different gynecologists to talk about these issues." Somehow the counselor managed to not burst into fits of laughter and tears but she didn't say anything to correct him. They finshed up the meeting, and on the way out (thank god) my friend told him that the word "gynecologist" meant "someone who deals with women's...issues." Let's hope he doesn't make the same mistake again.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
you can't even curse properly
On Thursday, I was using the kid's bathroom next to the cafeteria because we were cooped up there for professional development all day. Not like we couldn't use the time to finish up grades or records or, god forbid, plan for next year. But that's besides the point. I noticed with joy that some girls had written on the door of the bathroom. They had a student's name listed and underneath it someone had written "What a bith." So awesome.
Friday, June 10, 2011
final tales from the grading site
I did not mean for this to be so drawn out, but this one is just too priceless to not share.
Now, I am not one to jump and label teachers as complainers. Our job is tough. We often have to vent. We often get the short end of the stick. But occasionally, I have to shake my head and say, "Could everybody please shut the fuck up so we can all get back to work? I have shit to do." This was one of those occasions.
So, the chairs they had us sitting on were kind of uncomfortable. It wasn't unbearable. I just sat on the edge of my seat, or turned it sideways. Some stole other chairs from other places in the school. Other reasonable people brought pillows or things like that. But the majority complained and complained about how horrible they were. To be fair, one pregnant lady did tip over in her seat. To me, a reasonable solution would have been to bring her a special one. But naturally the DOE solution was much more unnecessarily complicated.
A few days in, they made the announcement that we were searching for other chairs. The next day, they stated with great jubilation that new chairs were coming in. The custodians wheel in the carts of chairs. Row by row, we stand up so they can pull out our old chairs and replace them with new ones. Once we look at them, it becomes immediately apparent that these are exactly the same as the ones we already have, except they are white instead of black. Now, more complaints come up. Rabble rabble rabble, these are no better! Why are you wasting our time?!?!
The worst part is, since the order had come through for the custodians to replace the chairs, the custodians were going to replace the chairs. They still went row by row, pulling out the old seats and giving us new ones. No one in charge told then to stop. No one they were supposedly helping even needed their help. And it was all another colossal waste of time and resources. There's a metaphor hidden in there but I can't quite find it.
Now, I am not one to jump and label teachers as complainers. Our job is tough. We often have to vent. We often get the short end of the stick. But occasionally, I have to shake my head and say, "Could everybody please shut the fuck up so we can all get back to work? I have shit to do." This was one of those occasions.
So, the chairs they had us sitting on were kind of uncomfortable. It wasn't unbearable. I just sat on the edge of my seat, or turned it sideways. Some stole other chairs from other places in the school. Other reasonable people brought pillows or things like that. But the majority complained and complained about how horrible they were. To be fair, one pregnant lady did tip over in her seat. To me, a reasonable solution would have been to bring her a special one. But naturally the DOE solution was much more unnecessarily complicated.
A few days in, they made the announcement that we were searching for other chairs. The next day, they stated with great jubilation that new chairs were coming in. The custodians wheel in the carts of chairs. Row by row, we stand up so they can pull out our old chairs and replace them with new ones. Once we look at them, it becomes immediately apparent that these are exactly the same as the ones we already have, except they are white instead of black. Now, more complaints come up. Rabble rabble rabble, these are no better! Why are you wasting our time?!?!
The worst part is, since the order had come through for the custodians to replace the chairs, the custodians were going to replace the chairs. They still went row by row, pulling out the old seats and giving us new ones. No one in charge told then to stop. No one they were supposedly helping even needed their help. And it was all another colossal waste of time and resources. There's a metaphor hidden in there but I can't quite find it.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
More tales from the grading site...
The week and a half that followed my first day of "training" and test grading never really got much better.
First, we spent 15-30 minutes every day getting set up. That means I showed up at 3:30, people slowly trickled in, and we never got started unti 4:00. We also usually finished between 7:00-7:15 and spent the leftover minutes filling in our time cards. Now, I am not a math person, but at $40 an hour per 200 graders, that adds up to roughly several gazillion dollars wasted of us sitting around drinking coffee and doing nothing.
The best part is when the state required that the booklets of a particular grade had to be finished and sent in that night. Every time, they had to scramble and ask people to volunteer to stay late to finish grading. I volunteered along with a dozen or so people a few times. Once I stayed until 9:00 PM. Meanwhile, all I could think was, "Gee, if they had handed out the booklets at 3:45 instead of 4:15, that would have been another 30 minutes of manpower among 200 people instead of 15 of us busting our asses to get this done."
The worst part, for me, as an overachiever, was getting labeled as such. Yeah, in middle school I was a big nerd. I thought by the time I reached a point where I was working with adults, that label would fade away. Nope. This one guy at my table was repeatedly telling me to slow down. When we finished a box and I would raise my hand to have them pick it up, he would pull my hand down. He would tell me to stop reading so quickly. Etc. I mentioned this to my friend who works for the DOE offices and her exact words were, "The higher up you get in the department, the more you see that. Having meetings about meetings. People sitting on their thumbs, getting paid to do nothing. Teachers getting cushy office jobs because they are horrible teachers are keep getting pushed through the system. That sort of thing."
Again. It instills a lot of confidence in the organzation, don't you think?
First, we spent 15-30 minutes every day getting set up. That means I showed up at 3:30, people slowly trickled in, and we never got started unti 4:00. We also usually finished between 7:00-7:15 and spent the leftover minutes filling in our time cards. Now, I am not a math person, but at $40 an hour per 200 graders, that adds up to roughly several gazillion dollars wasted of us sitting around drinking coffee and doing nothing.
The best part is when the state required that the booklets of a particular grade had to be finished and sent in that night. Every time, they had to scramble and ask people to volunteer to stay late to finish grading. I volunteered along with a dozen or so people a few times. Once I stayed until 9:00 PM. Meanwhile, all I could think was, "Gee, if they had handed out the booklets at 3:45 instead of 4:15, that would have been another 30 minutes of manpower among 200 people instead of 15 of us busting our asses to get this done."
The worst part, for me, as an overachiever, was getting labeled as such. Yeah, in middle school I was a big nerd. I thought by the time I reached a point where I was working with adults, that label would fade away. Nope. This one guy at my table was repeatedly telling me to slow down. When we finished a box and I would raise my hand to have them pick it up, he would pull my hand down. He would tell me to stop reading so quickly. Etc. I mentioned this to my friend who works for the DOE offices and her exact words were, "The higher up you get in the department, the more you see that. Having meetings about meetings. People sitting on their thumbs, getting paid to do nothing. Teachers getting cushy office jobs because they are horrible teachers are keep getting pushed through the system. That sort of thing."
Again. It instills a lot of confidence in the organzation, don't you think?
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